Women over 50 often experience more trouble having an orgasm than they did when they were younger. Vibrators and other gadgets, once taboo, now a now a booming industry, can dynamically improve a couple’s sex play helping both partners achieve the elusive “Big O.” Matty Silver explores adding sex toys to your love-making repertoire.
Until I started my practice as a sex therapist I didn’t realise there were so many women who had never been able to achieve an orgasm. Experiencing an orgasm is not always easy when you are a woman, unlike most men who usually can climax without any difficulty.
Most young females learn how to reach an orgasm for the first time by masturbation. But there are many women who do not have an orgasm until later in life, often because they were inexperienced and/or received little sex education.
One of my clients in her early forties told me she had never experienced an orgasm in her life and felt it was time she finally found out what the fuss is all about. She had married young and both she and her husband were quite inexperienced. Now divorced, she wanted to gain some more knowledge before she found another partner.
I explained to her – masturbation is the best way to learn how. When a woman is comfortable touching her own body she is more likely to know what feels good for her and is able to let her partner know what she likes. She can show her partner where and how to stimulate her clitoris during intercourse or choose to use her own fingers to stimulate herself during intercourse. Some women find achieving an orgasm easier with the help of a vibrator.
I also spoke to several clients who were very upset that they easily climax when they masturbate but it never happens when they have intercourse with their partners. When I reveal to them only about 20 percent of women can achieve an orgasm by just having intercourse they are very relieved. As this is not common knowledge; there are a high percentage of males and especially females who ended up feeling very inadequate.
The most important thing for couples who aspire to have sex and achieve an orgasm is to communicate with each other and focus on each other’s pleasure. It is also not always necessary for sex to end with an orgasm.
Over the past few years sex toys have become some of the most popular gadgets in the world. Even during economic recessions, sales of sex toys have skyrocketed and the sex-toy business has turned into a multi-billion dollar industry. It is easier to buy sex toys now because of the shift to online purchasing with discreet shipping and therefore anonymity.
Sex toys can be an exciting way to spice up your sex life, either using them on your own or with a partner. There is a misconception that only people who don’t have a sexual partner use them. A client was extremely upset when his partner told him she had bought a vibrator and really enjoyed it. Why did she need a toy when she had him to give her an orgasm!
Often men feel threatened by the suggestion of a sex toy, but others get turned on by the idea. And some people still have stereotypes about who uses sex toys. A vibrator doesn’t replace a partner. Women should be allowed to experience pleasure, to enjoy things that feel good, and no man needs to feel threatened by a vibrator.
Sex toys are an amazing addition to sex with a lover – they can make foreplay fun and help to relax and arouse both partners during sex and they can provide an extra source of stimulation by making it easier to reach sensitive spots.
Swedish brand Lelo, one of the most innovative sex-toy companies, launched an update to the sophisticated oral sex simulator ORA 2, the first sex toy to win a Cannes Lions Award for design. A favourite couple’s item is the MIO vibrating penis ring by Je Joue – the ring is worn at the base of the penis and restricts blood flow, which makes the erection stronger, and last longer while stimulating the clitoris during sex. When worn below the testicles, their natural retraction towards the body is reduced, which can prolong the time before the man ejaculates.
Another very popular couples toy is the We-Vibe 4, it is waterproof, has six vibration modes and a remote control. All these toys are phthalates free, which means the toys are hypo-allergenic and body safe.
There are sex aids for men who have had prostate cancer surgery; erectile dysfunction is one of the side effects of this operation and penile rehabilitation is recommended. To encourage blood flow, the doctor may suggest using a vacuum pump and a penile ring, and/or use of a masturbation sleeve to keep the “machinery” running. There are also several aids for people with disabilities, described as being suitable for those with limited mobility, dexterity issues or who suffer from fatigue.
So if you’ve never thought of adding sex toys to your love-making repertoire, why not give it a try! Couples who have a playful attitude towards sex will overall have a more satisfying sexual relationship – and there is nothing wrong with great solo sex!
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