7 Steps to Being More Visible – Feeling invisible can be soul destroying and leave you in a foggy daze, Karen Sander shares her steps to your personal growth out of this phenomenon.
HG Wells made famous the character, The Invisible Man, in his science fiction novel published in 1897. The young scientist, Griffin, becomes murderously insane after an experiment that made him invisible. Unfortunately, he had not considered the need for an antidote and hence he had to carry on his life as an Invisible Man – how lonely.
This brings to mind a question, is it possible to be invisible in our society today or is invisibility restricted to science fiction? Apparently not. According to recent studies, invisibility is a social phenomenon that many women over 50 are grappling with. I personally have had some experience with invisibility, although at the time not realising, or being able to put my finger on it.
Unlike The Invisible Man and science fiction, the invisible women phenomenon is FACT, and it is unpleasant and soul destroying.
Women who willingly share their experiences, their fears and their thoughts on all manner of female experiences, surround me, and invisibility is one of the topics that has arisen.
What causes invisibility?
- When the fog lifts on the often, chaotic years of a woman’s life, raising families, being a wife and building careers they wake with a jolt and the big question Who Am I rears its ugly head. I say ugly because too often it causes doubt and despair in their lives. Things have changed drastically in many ways and it is daunting.
- The onset of menopause (which I have heard referred to in a light-hearted, joking manner as men on pause, which many of my male friends nod, yes) is not always easy to cope with. Although the symptoms of menopause vary in individuals, many experience mood swings, hot flushes, fatigue, interrupted sleep, night sweats and anxiety as well as discomfort. It also is the sign of fertility being lost forever. More seriously bone density can be compromised and the onset of osteoporosis. Overall, it can be a challenging time in a woman’s life.
- The kids have flown the coop. A huge sigh of relief. Nevertheless, the nest feels lonely, who would have thought? This is a huge adjustment for some women. It can be even more challenging when they begin questioning the relationship with their spouse. Perhaps they are uncertain that they want to stay married until death do us part. Unexpectedly, they are now wanting to be single again. Now this is a real conundrum! Where did this come from? Often it is one of life’s casualties and the marriage is over.
- One friend said she noticed that when she visited a department store, retail staff, were not paying attention to her, preferring to assist younger customers. Another noted since she had made the decision to embrace her natural shade of grey hair that she was often overlooked, as though she did not exist. Another common experience is not being noticed when entering a room or not receiving that fleeting glance of approval from men as they walked down the street. No wonder these women feel unattractive, lacking in self-esteem and confidence. It is enough to make you feel like crap.
- Another issue brought to my attention is generation Y, who are now hot on the tail of the baby boomers and climbing the corporate ladder hungry for the positions these women have fought hard for and spent years enjoying their successful careers. There is the fear of becoming redundant and perhaps not financially prepared to retire and the prospect of finding a new job brings added stress.
- Lack of direction is a huge issue. It is an enormous task to move on from what has been your life for the past 25 or so years and setting a new course. Overwhelming, you bet. Confusing yep. Feeling like a ship without a rudder, yep.
Like Jack and Jill falling downhill, is it doom and gloom for evermore? Definitely not.
It is just another phase in life, a chance to breathe, pick up, move on, with optimism and embrace the years ahead. Who knows they may be the best ever.
The invisible woman became my focus when I kept hearing of this phenomenon. I thought about my journey turning 50 and started making notes on all the things that had made a big difference in my life. I thought of all the practical things that had made me feel like I was truly visible. Much of what I am sharing with you now is my secret to becoming visible.
Embracing the acronym “P R E P A R E” I changed my life forever
The 7 Steps to Being More Visible
1. Posture
I am sure you have seen a women walk into the room and immediately she commands attention. My bet is that one reason is that she carries herself with confidence. Her head held high, her shoulders back and she stands proud. Posture is so important for our physical and emotional wellbeing. Be mindful and adjust your posture, even when sitting. It makes such a difference
2. Renovate
My question is “Do you renovate your house?” If so, do you feel guilty spending money on your house? I think the answer is No. However, when did you last spend money on renovating you. I don’t mean a facelift or Botox, I mean a new wardrobe, a great hairstyle or colour, learn some makeup tips. Keep it simple. Looking good on the outside does wonders for improving confidence and self esteem
3. Educate
I thought after I became a teacher that I never had to study again. Admittedly I was 21. I was so wrong. There is so much to learn in this crazy world. Life moves too fast, so don’t let it slip past you, get on the merry-go-round and learn something new.
4. Passion
I don’t mean hug and kiss everyone around you. Everyone needs passion in their life so find that passion and get PASSIONATE. Embrace it, work it, and tell the world about it. Having a passion and being passionate about it is food for the soul. It empowers you, thrills you to the core. Losing yourself in your passion can be a wonderful experience
5. Attitude
No need for a lecture on attitude. In my book, Ageing Fearlessly, I wrote about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar, and how a positive attitude is vital in getting to where you want to go in life. The truth is we can make a choice, positive or negative. There will always be downers in life – embrace them. Surround yourself with positive people. Just give things a go, if you don’t succeed the first time keep trying.
6. Relationships
Never underestimate how important friends and community are especially as we age. Personal experience has taught me that meeting new people and just taking the time to listen, has enriched my life. It’s like free education. My dad always said you should get something for free every day. Embrace the stories, be grateful for your own rich life, because if you have made it this far you have plenty of stories and life experiences to embrace. Time to go out and make new friends, join new communities.
7. Energise through exercise.
Time for action. Move it or lose it. Exercise is vital to restore energy and vitality. I am not saying for one minute you must become a marathon runner or a gym junkie but you do need to move. Chose things you love, mix it up, do it with friends, have fun and then you will keep doing it. The minute it becomes a chore you will stop. The benefits are 10 fold.
What is Next?
Time to P R E P A R E to be visible. Make it fun, find a friend, do it together. No time to waste being Invisible. Invisibility needs to remain science fiction. Be Visible!
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