The new year is about new beginnings, resolutions and setting goals. At the top of many single’s list of new year’s resolutions is finding love or simply getting a date. Debbie Rivers shares her tips on how to succeed in online dating.
Multiple dating apps report January is the busiest time of the year, with all the major apps seeing a significant spike in new members.
So, if you’re looking for love or someone to date, January is the time!
If you are wondering where to meet someone especially over 40 there are many ways – in real life, doing what you love, singles events and of course online dating.
Online dating can be tough, depressing and even demoralizing, especially when you are not meeting anyone you like. Mindset is everything and when you start out online dating it is important to know that 90% of people online will be wrong for you and only 10% will be a match. Knowing this makes it much easier to deal with!
It is the place where you will find the highest number of singles! Especially in January.
As a dating coach I have worked with hundreds of singles and here are the top seven tips to succeed in online dating :
- Update your profile and get someone of the opposite sex to review it.
Your online profile is important if you want to achieve success online. Instead of writing about what you want, you need to appeal to the opposite sex. Think of your online profile as ad where the product is you! When you are selling a house, you will present the house in the best possible light to appeal to all buyers, then you will qualify the buyer. The same principles apply to your online dating profile.
Therefore, your photographs and what you write are your key to success. Don’t fall into the trap of just throwing something together hoping it will work!
You have one chance to make a first impression, so make your count.
Ladies smiling in your profile will increase your success rate by 75%!
Let’s start with your main photo, if this doesn’t capture people’s attention then they won’t even look at what you have written. A picture paints a thousand words and a decision will be make in an instant on that one photo.
Use recent photos that look like you NOW because no-one cares what you looked like 10 years ago. If you turn up for a date and don’t look anything like your photo the other person will be disappointed and not choose to go on a 2nd date with you.
The photo should not too close up, be taken at a weird angle or take up the whole space. If you include photos with sunglasses and hats, make sure you also have ones without.
You may want to paint the picture that you have friends, but don’t use group photos as it is hard to work out which one you are and they may like your friend better.
Your photos should include a full-length photo of yourself.
People like to be able to picture themselves in your life, so include pictures where they can do this. If you like kayaking, include a photo of yourself kayaking!
What you write in your profile matters! Your profile needs to paint a picture in words of who you are and what you want make it compelling.
I recommend getting someone to help you or get it professionally written. It is worth getting it right as you only have one chance to make a good first impression online.
Don’t make your profile too long or too short – 3 to 4 (200-300 words) paragraphs are perfect.
Also, get a number of friends of the opposite sex to read your profile and give you feedback. It is important to pitch to your audience and men and women think differently.
- Be Unique and Specific
The majority of dating profiles are boring, with everyone saying they love to walk along the beach and travel. Little details about yourself will show your personality and help you stand out from the crowd. Talk in specifics to give a full flavour of who you are. If you love travelling, say where your favourite place is and why or include a cool/funny story from a trip. Anything specific brings you alive to the reader.
- Embrace Colour
72% of people online wear neutral colours. People quickly flick through profiles online, so simply wearing a bright colour will instantly make you stand out. Research has proven that red gets more matches for women online and blue is the best colour for men.
- Be Positive
Avoid negative tones and always be positive about yourself. People love being around happy people and by being positive you are perceived as happier. Many singles want to save time so include a list of what they don’t’ want in their profile. The problem with this approach is that is often puts the right person off as it paints the picture of being fussy, hard work or judgemental. Avoid depreciating humour as well as instead of being funny it can give the impression that you aren’t confident.
Only online date when you are in a good frame of mind. If you find you are getting jaded, take a break until you are in a better frame of mine.
- Check your grammar
Bad spelling and grammar are turn off for many singles! It is easy to make mistakes when you are writing your profile but make sure you use spell check before posting it online. profile.
Regularly update your profile so it reflects the current you. I have seen people keep the same profile for years – everyone changes over time and so should their profile.
- Make Time
Put aside the time to meet someone. Let’s face it you would try to follow your dreams, to find the perfect job, get fit, etc, so why wouldn’t you put in the effort to find the one. People are continually saying that online dating is like a 2nd job and it can feel that way. The problem can often be that we expect to go online and instantly meet someone – it rarely happens that way. It will take a bit of time and commitment on your part so actually make time in your time in your day to day life for dating. Make it a priority. I recommend you send a couple of messages that are fun and light hearted, don’t get caught up in interview style questions – there is plenty of time for this later. Basically, form a connection through your communication but don’t spend forever chatting online.
Men get frustrated with women who don’t have time to meet them and engage in long drawn out conversations. Ladies I recommend that when you go online that you set aside time in your calendar each week to meet the people you are talking to. In the calendar put in your usual weekly activities and set aside time for a couple of dates.
I recommend you communicate via email for a couple of days, then talk on the phone. If the conversation is good then you can arrange to meet. This should take a week no more. The phone call is essential – if the conversation goes flat there is no point meeting in person.
Dating is a numbers game, however, by taking this smart your approach you are less likely to become disheartened and waste time on meeting people who you don’t enjoy talking to.
Remember the quality singles you are talking to could be ‘snapped’ up quickly. You may be talking to other people but so are they so the sooner you meet the better.