Women tend to feel more stressed in the lead up to Christmas than men and traditional stereotypes of women as the homemaker, present buyer, Santa-shopper and Christmas lunch planner fall more heavily on women’s shoulders than men. Life Begins At sat down with Margie Warrell, bestselling Author of Brave, Stop Playing Safe, and Find Your Courage to discuss this phenomena and she shares some great strategies to help take the stress out of the silly season.
We all know this time of the year, no matter how joyful, can be filled with nervousness, stress and pressure, particularly for women. There are holiday parties, card writing, present shopping, Christmas decorating, gift wrapping, deadlines, party planning…..did I say deadlines??! We set unrealistic standards of perfection, we need the perfect gift wrapping, the perfect baked ham – just like a cover of Donna Hay. This type of pressure can be like the Christmas Grinch and steal away the Christmas spirit.
Margie Warrell has some sage holly advice on how to cope this festive season and to ask yourself are you spreading joy to those around you?
If you’re Christmas ‘to do’ list still running off the page or your “empty nest” is crowded with adult children and their families, and you’re feeling under the pump to get it all done, perfectly (and fit in those holiday parties in between) I hope one of these ideas will help you keep your inner Bar Humbug from making an appearance.
1. Loosen up
Surrender to the chaos. If you once quiet, clean happy “empty nest” is filled with adult children and their families, just give into it and enjoy the precious moments…the dirty socks can be washed another day.
2. Set boundaries
Let everyone know you aren’t going to cook every meal for everyone. Delegate a meal to the daughter-in-law, eat out at a local restaurant – a calm, relax approach to catering the silly season.
3. Drop A Few “To Dos”
Have a look at your ‘to do’ list and pick three things on it that, if you didn’t do them, would have relatively minimal consequences. They may all feel important but they aren’t all pressingly urgent to be done by the end of the year. So discern the vital few from the trivial many; those really ‘must do this’ priorities from the ‘nice to do’ tasks. I will make a bet that many of them either don’t need to get done before year end, or could be dropped altogether with minimal fall out on anyone! In other words, “Do less, better.”
4. Lower The Bar
Yes, you have high standards and don’t want to drop them. You want to give perfect gifts, host a perfect gathering and finish the year with everything perfectly in place. You’re a true professional right? However, sometimes our commitment to doing everything to exacting standards can keep us from just getting things done and create a lot of unnecessary stress that doesn’t serve anyone! Consider that lowering the bar a little may be just what’s needed at times (and not just at Christmas time!) As I wrote in Brave, “Done is better than perfect.” So just get it done. Like this column.
5. Don’t Should On Others
Just as you need to remove a few of the ‘shoulds’ you put on yourself, so too it’s important not to ‘should’ on others. A large part of the frustration people feel over the holiday season is caused by their attachment to what other people ‘should’ be doing.
Sure people may not always act with the thoughtfulness, professionalism, generosity or graciousness that you think they ‘should’, but don’t let their attitude and behavior undermine your own. They have their path to forge, their relationships to manage and they’ll reap the seeds they’ve sown. Focus on who you are being. The rest will take care of itself.
6. Invest In Yourself. Daily.
Be extra intentional about looking after yourself. It’s about keeping your best frame of mind. The more you have on your plate, the more important it is to take time to do whatever will help you spin your plates better – with more playfulness, presence and positivity. So consider, what is one thing you could be doing for yourself every day right now that would keep your stress levels in check – exercise, get a massage, walk the dog, anything that can put your mind at ease and ready to re-engage, refocus and re-frame to come back into the chaos.
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